Monday, March 23, 2009

Why Homeschoolers should not support Venessa Mills

The News Observer states School case raises ire. But why is it raising ire amongst Venessa Mills and her supporters? HSLDA is usually among the first to scream our homeschooling freedoms are being encroached on, but they don't seem in the least concerned about the judges ruling.

The Virginia-based Home School Legal Defense Association has a policy against accepting home-school cases that are part of divorce or custody battles. Spokesman Ian Slatter said judges have ordered homeschooled students into public schools before, but the group does not track such cases.

"Unfortunately, divorces are fairly common," Slatter said. "These sorts of questions are put before judges on a regular basis."

Maybe because it isn't a HOMESHOOL ISSUE and will in no way impact other homeschoolers.

Then we have Homeschool Injustice bleating that it's not in the children's best interest to spend an equal amount of time with their father in her post Why 50/50 Is Not In The Best Interests of Children . The post completely ignores the realities of modern day life, where often both parents work and both the Mother and Father only spend evenings and weekends with their children. She also seems oblivious to the fact that as a single mother Venessa Mills will need to work outside the home to support herself. And if we want to talk about whats in the best interest of the children
Recent research reveals a negative impact of divorce on children's welfare as a consequence of the reduction in monetary and time contributions by the non-custodian parent. When the custody arrangement is sole custody, the variables that link the absent parent to the child are visitations and child support transfers.

Apparently contrary to what Ms. Williams believes joint custody has been proven to be in the best interest of the children.

Under the circumstances, only a heartless, ignorant, or prejudiced individual would fail to understand Venessa Mills' demands, or fail to see that they were solely motivated by her desire to protect her children.

Venessa Mills didn't put her children first when she choose to divorce her husband and destroy their family so why should we automatically assume that she is putting them first now. And if she truly believes that shared custody isn't in the children's best interest she could always let Thomas Mills have full custody.

(The judge's intent from the beginning was to force these parents back together and out of his courtroom, acting like a liberal-biased marriage counselor instead of being a judge.)

I seen to recall the Bible saying

Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. -King James Bible Matthew 19:6

So I would have thought that a judge who tried to prevent a divorce would receive kudos from professed Christians instead of their ire for trying to do what was best for the children and keep the parents together if at all possible.

Ms. Williams' post Constitutional Injustice is even more ludicrous.

he prejudicially chooses to restrict the mother's financial support to a level intended to limit her ability to practice her religion

I am not even sure what Ms. Williams means by that. How much money does Venessa Mills need to practice her religion? Who is suppose to finance her religious beliefs?

I have no doubt that Mr. Mills infidelity hurt Venessa Mills a great deal and I feel sorry that she had to deal with that pain. But she had choices. She could have forgiven her husband and worked to save the marriage. Instead she chose to divorce him while naively believing that nothing in her life or her children's lives would change other then her marital status.

Why homeschoolers should not support Venessa Mills?

  1. No one should be forced to homeschool. The children's father has indicated that he wants the kids to be in public school and that he believes it will be in the best interest of the children.
  2. Venessa Mills' parents have concerns about the situation. Homeschoolers have insisted that we don't need further regulations as abuse can be spotted and reported by people other than teachers including friends, family, doctors and neighbors. Enough people have raised concerns about this ONE SITUATION that the judge is right to listen and take steps to prevent abuse.
  3. The chief complaint about Mr. Mills is that he committed adultery. While this certainly makes him a BAD HUSBAND it doesn't automatically disqualify him as a FATHER.
  4. Homeschoolers have worked hard to garner political clout, it shouldn't be squandered on a messy divorce case. Which is why HSLDA isn't involved.
  5. Championing Venessa Mills in light of all the allegations and concerns raised by family members smacks of fanaticism not a well reasoned logical decision.


  1. More good points [smile]. It's annoying this is still going on ...much like the question: But what about socialization?

    Haven't we beaten these dead horses enough? Thanks for continuing to respond to those who refuse to drop this thing [smile].


  2. BTW, I have a very close homeschool mom who divorced and this was never an issue.

    Just FWIW, that this does *not* happen in all divorce cases...

  3. PS also FWIW I don't think that I would necessarily stay in a marriage with a man who continues in his adultery just so I can homeschool the kids!! I think some unkind things have been said about both parties that are probably unwarranted. :]

  4. Since the records indicated that Thomas Mills wanted to stay in the marriage I was assuming that he was willing to end his affair. If he wasn't then I don't blame Venessa for her decision. Although it probably wasn't in the best interest of the kids as studies have been done that show kids do better in homes with both parents present.

    I know a divorced couple that do homeschool, but they both agreed that it was the best educational choice for their children. They also share custody and both hold full time jobs. As they are both highly paid professionals they have a lot of flexibility in their schedules. For most couples it probable wouldn't be an option.

  5. Honestly, your post made me angry. How can you make judgement against that divorcing family without knowing all the facts??

    I'm a mother of two wonderful children ... and is going through a divorce. My husband is totally against homeschooling, but with my full physical custody, I am going to homeschool my children because God has instructed me to do so.

    My husband has commited 7 long years of adultery, is emotionally, verbally, mentally and occassionally physically abusive ... but most people that know we are getting divorced do not know that. They just assume right off the bat that I am just being a "b***h" for leaving him. Then they would ask me why I was leaving him, I gave them nothing because I did not have the right to talk badly of him.

    Am I correct to assume you do not have children? Venessa may have not made right chioces in the past ... but how do you know she is not currently doing all these things in the best interest of her children? I am divorcing my ex-husband in the best interest of MY CHILDREN. I can list all the reasons, but what for? Only God can judge me because He knows everything.

    This blog attacked Venessa in ways that was not necessary ... do not judge because we do not have all the facts. Only God does ....

  6. The only judgement I made was that homeschoolers shouldn't support Venessa Mills, just because she wants to continue homeschooling as you pointed out we don't know all the facts. The judges decision to have the kids attend public school may very well be the BEST decision for them.

    And no you are not correct assuming I don't have children. I am happily married and we have two wonderful boys whom I HOMESCHOOLED, until they graduated. They are both enrolled in college at this time.

    I am sorry for the painful situation you are going through. Since you have been through a divorce have full physical custody and are homeschooling then you have to agree that the courts do not discriminate against homeschoolers. They certainly didn't discriminate against you.


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